iPod shuffle is a strange, wonderful thing. Aside from blowing my mind to pieces the other day by playing three songs – in a row – about Penises (!!) (Gillette’s “Short Dick Man”, King Missile’s “Detachable Penis” and then Mickey Avalon’s “My Dick” – for fucking REALS), tonight it brought The Faders back into my direct line of attention.

“No Sleep Tonight” would have perhaps worked a little bit better had it not been sung by this lot and rather given to Sarah Harding as her debut solo single. The song is a pretty big pearler (so much so that Molly from The Faders went and recorded a solo version after they’d split) and would have done Sarah Harding very nicely. I’d BELIEVE her when she says she’ll be getting no sleep tonight. Molly McQueen on the other hand; definitely napping.

For best results, avoid watching the actual video clip (which is several hundred shades of utter shit) and just look at this picture of Sarah Harding being Rock ‘n Roll at a Rock Concert as The Faders audio plays.

Cor blimey they had a set of mugs on them, didn’t they?

Meg Washington is an incredible Australian pop lady, and after a run of really amazing singles and EP’s she’s finally releasing her debut album. “I Believe You Liar” is released through Mercury/Universal on July 30th and could end up being one of the years best if the new single is anything to go by.

This is the new Washington video clip. The song is called “Sunday Best” and it ticks just about every box on my list both visually and musically. I saw it last night on Rage, our late-night music show here in Oz, and was pretty blown away. Ridiculously fun and incredibly well put together, best I’ve seen from this country so far in 2010, so there you go.

I interviewed Meg a few months back and she was one of the most refreshing and hilarious people I’ve ever had the honour of speaking to. I’ll try and find the transcript and post it on here next week, but in the meantime I’m just going to watch “Sunday Best” again and hope that a higher quality audio of it arrives on YouTube soon.

Back when I was a teenager, Rollo & Sister Bliss were THE go to for amazing remixes. Time and time again they created legendary dance music history with their building, euphoric takes on some of the biggest songs released. Everything from Donna Summer to even their own brand of music as apart of Faithless, generally speaking, Rollo & Sister Bliss were – and are – two of the greatest DJs in the dance community.

Over the last couple of years, Rollo & Bliss’ output as a remixing duo hasn’t been hitting the usual track-records or meeting the standards many of their previous re-swizzles have. There was a distinct sound to the way Rollo & Bliss remixed, but as house music turned into something completely different all together as the late 90’s drew to a close, so did that euphoric, trancey house bassline we’d all come to know and love from R & Bliss. But now, with the 90’s revival well and truly here, it seems fitting that a remix that harks back to that particular time be exactly the kind of sound Rollo & Sister Bliss recreate with this, their finest and most spectacular remix in about five years.

What’s probably even more exciting is that it still sounds like a remix that’s been done in 2010. It’s still fresh sounding but somehow manages to push a number of nostalgic buttons for me along the way. Hell, maybe even you.

The Temper Trap (from Melbourne) released this, their “Love Lost” single last month, with this remix tacked on as a b-side. The original version is fine, but there’s something really magical about that breakdown and beat-drop toward the end of the remix that really takes the song to a much further emotional level. That euphoric sense of beauty, tragedy and brilliance, all rolled into the one truly monstrous and epic seven minute club thumper.

Welcome back Rollo and Sister Bliss. Don’t Leave…

SCISSOR SISTERS
NIGHT WORK
(UMA) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I’m not sure if there actually will be an album this year that’s as truly glorious as this, the third (but second at heart) full-length offering from the Scissor Sisters, but good luck to anyone who wants to take a stab at it.

In a year that will see no new releases from Madonna, Lady GaGa or Girls Aloud, the floor for album of the year is open to almost anybody. Or at least, it was. We’re in the midst of a golden pop age and, particularly for me, to not have either of those three actively releasing new material in the year, AND for the year to be as blisteringly amazing as it already has been – Pop Music has a lot of good going for it at the moment.

But nothing more-so delicious and grand than “Night Work”, which manages the near impossible of being positively flawless from beginning to end. Stuart Price, who worked on the new Kylie album, plays producer on every track here and on a bulk of co-writes too. I think Jake and Co gave Price a lot more freedom than most other artists have in the past and it really shows on the final product. This not only takes the Scissters into a whole new level of brilliance but also propels Stuart Price onto an even higher pedestal than I’d placed him on years earlier. Surely another near impossible feat.

Although mind-blowingly great, Kylie’s “Aphrodite” may not be as brilliant as “Confessions” was, but “Night Work”… fuck, it actually is better than Confessions, isn’t it? Even if just a little bit, right? I mean, don’t tell Madonna, but admit it, Confessions had a bit of filler. Night Work’s only association with that particular ‘f’ word involves the kind you inject into your cheeks for beauty and nightclubbing, not a song you could either take-or-leave. There’s none of that here.

The title track “Night Work” opens like a twisted ray of sunshine and smells of walkmans, rollerblades and all things Xanadu, with lyrics I was loving stupid over the last couple of weeks driving to a 9 to 5 temping job I’ve been doing. “Punch that clock and break all the numbers! Weekday nine-to-five shift is over!” Amen. It’s the perfect way to start one of the finest party records of our time.

Interestingly, there are some surprise references to both George Michael and Robbie Williams in the first quarter of the disc. “Whole New Way” borrows licks and thumping funk-beats from Michael’s “I Want Your Sex” (both Parts 1 AND 2), whilst the thundering ballad “Fire With Fire” sees Shears connect with his inner Robbie, at least vocally. XO nailed it in his review when talking about this track, in the sense that it’s one fans will eventually come around to. It’s the Scissters doing their own “Viva La Vida” of sorts; it’s so mighty and majestic and definitely makes even more sense in context of the record.

The instant disco-funk of “Any Which Way” reaches a true pop pinnacle when Ana Matronic launches into the single greatest talky-bit in music for 2010. If you haven’t heard it yet, by the time you’re done you too will be asking the Scissters to take you in front of your parents. Any which way you can!

“Harder You Get” takes things to a glam-rock-adoring sweaty sex club, before we reach the glorious insanity of “Running Out”, which is one of many potential singles here. Ana glows through Running Out, her part really takes the song to new heights and makes me hanker for some kind of solo effort from her down the track. She’s definitely got what it takes and has more than ever made up for her anti-Rachel Stevens movement a few years ago.

Did you spot the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Kylie sample in obvious single “Something Like This”? I definitely think it’s a testament to how much of a brilliant song “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” is; it already deserves to be immortalised and sampled. In doing so, the Scissters have created what is probably the most infectious song in their catalogue. Release this immediately, this must be single number 2!
Matronic shines again on sexy solo “Skin This Cat”, whilst tender disco-ballad “Skin Tight” shimmies and shines like a bright burning star in the sky, reminiscent of the gloriously fucked feeling you have walking home, trashed beyond belief after being out, and maybe being with the one person you want to be with most in the world. It’s incredible stuff.

And then there’s “Sex & Violence.”

This is easily the best song on here. It’s the Scissters scissoring the Pet Shop Boys. It also houses my favourite lyric of the year, “You were walking home that night, too kind to be elusive. Where you live? What you give? Who you with? And how you getting home? Does anybody know right now, exactly where you are? A step inside’s a step too far.” Amazing, one of the most psychologically damaging and yet simultaneously beautiful series of lyrics I’ve heard in years.
The Chic-beats of “Night Life” work as a fitting sequel to the records self-titled opener, before leading into the truly special “Invisible Light,” the biggest shimmer of dance music on here. You want to know the correct use of the now very-overused word “Epic”? Listen to this. If your mind is not blown by Ian McKellen’s surprise verse, it certainly will be by the time the Lion King party drums of the songs grand finale ring through for the greatest closing minutes in a song this year and, hey, fuck it – why not – maybe ever.

My best friend Ben said he feels like a cigarette after every song on this album, that sensation of sexual satisfaction just as the next song ends and another one starts, having that burning desire to just spark up a fucking cigarette coz it’s just. that. good. I think it’s the perfect analogy for an album like “Night Work”, and one that would make Jake and the gang incredibly proud.

It’s also the first album I have not changed the track listing of on my iPod. From start to finish, as it is, in all its sonic perfection. I can’t even remember the last album track listing I hadn’t altered.
I’m fairly confident in the view that this isn’t just a great album. It’s one of the most exciting pop records I’ve heard. Ana gets taken in front of her parents, Jake’s playing fisticuffs and it’s just a whole lot of really passionate fun, isn’t it? 2009 was the year of sadness and sorrow, I’m bored of all that and want to have fun.

And nothing does fun quite as effortlessly as “Night Work.”

Album of the year, hands down.

KYLIE MINOGUE
APHRODITE
(PARLOPHONE) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

WHEN Kylie released her last studio album, 2007’s “X”, it wasn’t exactly the homecoming people were expecting. X had some great singles and a few proper stormers but its lack of creative cohesion left the final tracklisting looking incredibly lazy, leaving Ms Minogue with an album of songs that just didn’t quite sound like something she had even convinced herself to sing, let alone convinced us to listen to. It wasn’t terrible, but it was a bit of a mess.

“Aphrodite” sees Minogue lifting her game and pumping out what will probably end up being one of her Top 2 best records to date. It sounds like a Kylie album from start to finish, one that has fast-grown into one of the most accomplished and exciting long players she’s put out, and the only completely dud-free record in her discography.

Working with Stuart Price (Madonna’s “Confessions On A Dance Floor”) was a move that the Scissor Sisters Jake Shears insisted Kylie embark on. The results are – in most places – breathtaking, but the ones that aren’t are, still, at the very least incredibly enjoyable. For the record, it’s not as good as “Confessions” was, but fuck me – it’s bloody close.

From the euro-blizzard opening of first single “All The Lovers” (whose Spanish version, “Los Amores”, could have probably won Eurovision this year had Minogue entered it), to next single, the jealousy-driven tour-de-force and made-for-radio “Get Outta My Way”, Aphrodite packs dance floor punches with big impact. Particular album highlight “Cupid Boy” probably packs the records biggest club-friendly bassline, with a driving guitar-fuelled riff that sits magically with the pounding beats enveloping it. It’s also, alongside “All The Lovers”, the most incredible moment on here lyrically.

Perhaps a personal best however arrives in the form of the records title track, a big and bold moment where Kylie announces she’s “fierce and feeling mighty, I’m a golden girl, I’m an Aphrodite, Alright!” This should be the third single; it’s exactly the kind of comeback single people were, maybe, hoping “2 Hearts” was going to be.

Songs like “Illusion” and “Better Than Today” (not ballads, but they’re not exactly going to incite the rebirth of Studio 54 either) have copped a bit of flack in various reviews I’ve read over the last couple of weeks but – of course – they’re two of my absolute favourites. “Illusion” – written solely by Kylie and Price – comes with an excellent Middle 8 and could very well be a great choice for a mid-tempo single to break down the thumping themes of the records other moments. It’s definitely the sweetest sounding moment on Aphrodite. “Better Than Today” probably houses the records best Middle 8, though. Amazing talky-bit alert!! “Everything Is Beautiful”, co-written by Keane’s Tim Rice-Oxley, follows suit in the mid-tempo ballad stakes, and wonderfully so. A very precious Kylie moment.

The pace is generally quite upbeat though, and Aprhodite bangs pretty hard throughout. Stuff like “Closer” (which is like Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” having a child to Kylie’s “Confide In Me” at The Monster Ball), “Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)” and “Can’t Beat The Feeling” all play an important part in making Aphrodite a true celebration (ho ho!) from start to finish.

Both “Too Much” and “Looking For An Angel” are lovely enough, but they’re the only two tracks that made me feel as though Kylie’s voice had been lost in production. That’s not to say these aren’t good songs, but Xenomania-written b-sides “Heartstrings” and “Mighty Rivers” would have been better inclusions on the record – two tracks which are fast becoming my favourite Kylie moments from the Aphrodite-era.

This sounds like a classic Kylie album; there are moments on here which will forever be immortalised into the pop-world psyche, and I honestly think her choice to make a fun, glossy and danceable pop record is more than welcome in a time where gloom and doom seems to be a top priority; there’s no hidden agenda here, no hidden political punches, it’s just a fantastic Kylie album that’s going to make you smile, sing and – hopefully – dance. It’s a return to the really refined moments of “Fever”, which now may have to settle for being her second greatest achievement.

I think the problem people are having with Aphrodite is that it might come across as being a little devoid of Kylie’s personality. But where ‘X’ failed in feeling like it was really hers, ‘Aphrodite’ at least sounds like music she actually really wants to be making. I think peoples expectations of Kylie, particularly in this country, are of such a high standard that it’s hard for her to match them at times. Want want want, people want this or that from Kylie, pulling her one way or the other; it’s any wonder she’s hinting at retirement – surely there comes a point when even Kylie Minogue throws her hands up and says “Fuck this and fuck you all, I’m retiring to a cottage, smoking pot and baking cakes for the rest of my life.” I don’t want that, and I can tell that you don’t either.

More importantly, I don’t think Kylie wants that either.

Go and buy Aphrodite for Gods sake.

Although somewhat off-topic, the return of the UK series of Big Brother has, generally, always made the front page of this blog. My love for host and Television’s greatest woman, Davina McCall, will indulge in her hilarious banter and on-stage-antics for one final year; after 11 years, Big Brother is packing it all in and calling it a night.

This move was put into action here in Australia back in 2008, when the final series made an absolute mockery out of the previous seven seasons of the show by firing long-time host (and our answer to Davina) Gretel Killeen, and replacing her with Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O, the latter whose previous work on reality television programs such as Australian Princess and Popstars was about as exciting and thundering as a bowl of cat food. The move to hire Kyle and Jackie was put into place in a last-minute ditch attempt to ’save’ the show, which had already been suffering from a ratings dive before the new hosts were put into place.

Is the decision to axe the UK leg of the show a wise one? Perhaps. In fact, it feels like it’s been a long-time coming. The move comes after average ratings and, more to the point, boring housemates over the last two years. I’ve stuck through it though. Unlike the Australian series which often had nothing more than Gretel to offer the viewer in the form of entertainment, the UK series was never dull. Yes, housemates might be boring, but the situations are always ball-tearingly good. From the arguments, racial rows, sex on television – it’s been a bumpy – and worthy – ride.  I’ve scoured the Internet for days in the lead-up to each series, finding out where I’ll be downloading the daily shows from, reading The Sun Online for gossip; it envelopes me still. And while I’m happy to admit the show hasn’t been anywhere near as exciting as it once was, I’ll still watch it with my eyes glued to the television, and still whimper with excitement as the countdown to Day 1 begins. Which is certainly a lot more than I can say for the Australian series, which I removed myself from towards the end of Season 7.

But when did peoples fascination with the lives of others come to a halt, enough to see the axing of a show many are used to having as a regular staple to their year?

To be honest it never really did. That interest is still there; the Big Brother theory just evolved into social networking sites. In an age with Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and Formspring, there is nothing left to the imagination – peoples lives are an open book, part of the thrill behind something like Big Brother was that you were watching it to view members of various socio-economic circles gathered in a glass box with mayhem and chaos. But there’s only so much you can learn after 10 years of the same old shit, isn’t there? And it’s much more exciting to know the ins and outs of people you already know, whether that be really well or barely at all.

That embedded video above is the current promo advert being aired in the UK in the lead up to the final series. It’s an exciting send-off, one that prompted this somewhat lengthy post.

Viva la UK Big Brother.

It’s a fucking miracle!!