No.

There I’ve said it. The new Joss Stone album is NOT – I repeat – IS NOT TERRIBLE. Don’t let the lead single fool you! Yes, “Tell Me Bout It” IS a load of old shit and, judging by its release, one would not be a terrible person to assume the rest of the album wallops on in the same fashion. This is the exact reason I avoided “Introducing Joss Stone” like the plague (that and the fact I found her first two albums filled mainly with terrible songs – naturally excluding “You Had Me” – which is pretty much her “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” isn’t it?), I even went as far as instructing the mail man to take back the promo package when he delivered it the other week. He would not.

But the other day, whilst observing a photograph of Joss and her new crazy hair-do, I figured seeing as the promo sat under paperwork and CD rubble on my desk and that she’d taken a lot of time and effort to reinvent her locks, I’d give her new album a quick go.

Low and behold: not a terrible long player. “Girl They Won’t Believe It” truly needs to be a single, all with thanks to its delightful melody and charming lyrics. Certainly easier on everyone’s ears than that offensive first single. Next single “Tell Me What We’re Gonna Do Now” sounds a bit like Jamelia’s “Go” (which, granted, sounds like several thousand other songs), but with Common rapping over several assorted areas. EVEN WITH SAID RAPPING, this song is MUCH better than that first single, which I have WELL AND TRULY ESTABLISHED AS BEING THE SINGLE WORST RELEASE OF 2007 THUS FAR, Though Scooch may not want to get so comfortable sitting at the Number #2 spot just yet.

“Music” features guest vocals from everyone’s favourite 90’s recluse and MTV-Unplugged-serial-bawler Lauryn Hill. It is very good – funnily enough – until Lauryn’s bit. However, this should still probably be a single but only AFTER “GIRL THEY WON’T BELIEVE IT” THANK YOU. (FYI: Everyone’s favourite 80’s recluse is, obviously, Agnetha Faltskog.)

There is an incredible amount of shouting during “Put Your Hands On Me”, in which Stone channels a frighteningly loud Brandy vs Monica during their live showdown several years ago of “The Boy Is Mine”, but times about a thousand. This is the only song on Stone’s album that actually makes “Tell Me ’bout It” sound like gods gift to those with hearing ability.

There are also a few slow songs on this record which aren’t too bad either, but not really worth talking about. Overall, the album’s about a 6.5/7 out of 10. Really the final mark will depend on how well it ages for me over the next couple of weeks and whether Oprah will feature Joss on her show again. The album sold about 3 copies in Australia last week which guaranteed it a #15 debut. Seems our nation isn’t too bothered with buying music these days. The US have embraced the album though, debuting at Number #2 this week after outselling her last album release over there; over 100k copies sold.

While we’re on the subject of Joss, there is a fucking hilarious article up on The Daily Mail website, which claims Joss mistakenly gave a press conference to Security Guards after the Brit Awards. Sweet Jesus and Madonna almighty, you just cannot make this kind of shit up.

Will this be the very last time Stone’s name is ever uttered on this here website? Most probably, yes.

And, just finally, in honour of the Faux-American’s wondrous performance at this years Brit Awards, “Big Love” going out to all the people who’ve sent me emails or left comments offering their condolences after the loss of my beautiful canine Scully during the week. It has meant the absolute world to me, thank you so, so very much. xoxoxo