PARKLIFE, MELBOURNE 22/09/2007
By Adem Ali.

Last years Parklife music festival was one of the most talked about events of the year, so it was no surprise that the second instalment in 2007 was going to be huge. And huge it was. Too huge, even. Where did all those people come from?

There was such an abundance of punters at this event it was hard to flicker your eyelids in some situations. The day started off miserably with the task of trying to find a decent position to watch Shepparton boy Muscles play a live set at the Fire Stage. Muscles was great, but the crowd was a nightmare. No matter where you stood, you were inches away from having your life taken from you, and the chances of being pulled under the crowd thanks to their insane shoving and carrying on grew bigger. Eventually, after potentially losing every single one of my toes and an absolute barrel of my dignity, I made my way towards the stage exit, with the thought I’d just listen to Muscles play from the sides. That took around 15 minutes to do. Muscles opened with “Sweaty,” and rocked out to “One Inch Badge” and “Spirits.” Phenomenal new single “Ice Cream” did its job in raising the atmosphere, but it just wasn’t enough for those of us forced to stand on the sidelines, looking at equipment hanging from the stage rather than the performer.

Aussie boys Riot In Belgium blitzed through their DJ set with great gusto, managing to rip out The Porn Kings’ “Up To No Good” at one point. The Earth Stage, a much more controlled environment to everywhere else at the event, was also host to Yelle, one of the most exciting pop stars to come out of France. An eclectic mash of electro, pop and rock and roll, Yelle’s fiery on stage antics gelled with the crowd, sending them into a right spin. Performing singles “Je Veux Te Voir” and “A Cause Des Garcons,” along with other amazing tracks from her debut album “Pop-Up,” Yelle and her energetic band absolutely tore the house down. Without a doubt, this was THE set of Parklife; full of energy, great atmosphere… Yelle is an absolute star and if you missed out on her set, you missed out on the best this party had to offer.

My problems were soon to come rushing back at me in full throttle once again though. I made the mistake of leaving the comfortable Earth Stage surroundings to head inside the enormous (and overly crowded) Water Stage for MSTRKRFT’s DJ set and Digitalism’s live one. There was only the one position to (sort of) comfortably stand, and that was on the absolute egde of the arena, standing next to a skank dancing on a rollie-bin. Fucking awesome. Not only were my retinas being burnt alive, the stench (which probably came from the skank rather than the bin) was absolutely vile, and I could barely hear ANY of the music. The myriad of discussions going on between people on the sides of the stage were louder than the actual music. This was a huge problem through out the party on ALL of the big stages; unless you were smack, bang in the centre of a speaker somewhere, there was bugger all chance of hearing anything that was going on. It was really disappointing deciding to leave before Digitalism had even started, even more sad coming to the realisation there was probably no chance in hell I’d get to hear any of Justice’s live set later on in the night because of the sound issues and crowd situation. I felt like Alison from that ridiculous TV Show Medium, hearing all these bloody voices carrying on whilst trying to focus on the one thing I’m actually there for. The pain of it all just wasn’t worth it.

The crowd issues continued for M.I.A’s set on the Air Stage. Once again, way too populated, though I’d managed to secure myself a spot close to the front so at the very least I could hear what she was banging on about. Great set, but once again pity about the people. Hundreds of bodies pushing and shoving their way through, people leaving virtually every five seconds, choosing me – ME! – every bloody time to push past on their way out. I’d understand if I was standing right next to the exit but I was IN THE MIDDLE UP NEAR THE FRONT for crying out loud. It just didn’t stop! People continued to stomp on my feet as they walked either out of the area, or tried pushing their way into it. Constantly through her hour set. Half the time it felt like we were being huddled into a concentration camp.

Aside from that nonsense, M.I.A. ripped out a killer live set, and threw a few political punches whilst up there too. Putting a halt to the music at about 10 minutes in, M.I.A. announced on the microphone she had to sign a special Visa Agreement to enter Australia that, basically, said she wasn’t involved in any sort of terrorist activity. Grabbing a lighter, the controversial singer set fire to the documents and began reading the government listed conditions from the pages as they burnt in her hands. As the show went on, flashes of “No Howard” and “Howard Out” beamed across the big screens on stage, demonstrating where the activist stood on our nations politics. M.I.A. then asked members of the audience to join her on-stage for “a party,” something she had done with less success at 2006’s Big Day Out when I saw her last. Members of the crowd got themselves up on stage and danced with the diva as she continued her show.

Whilst she remembered to make serious points and share in her global on-stage party, she forgot to perform her newest single, the brilliant bollywood disco number “Jimmy,” much to my absolute horror. Wasn’t exactly the way I’d expected my night to end; not hearing the one song I was sure I would hear from her.

All in all, the event was exhausting. Any time there was movement to another area, I felt my stomach tie itself in knots. I didn’t want to suffer through people pushing past me and being unable to enjoy what I was there for: the music.

There’s a lot of work to be done if they are to make next years event suitable for attendance. First of all, how about selling less tickets to suit the space you’ve been given or, better yet, make the areas bigger? Maybe even turn up the sound so people who aren’t inside the bloody speaker can actually hear it? Oh, and don’t make people buy coupons/tickets so they can buy drinks, then make them wait in line for ages to do so. The tickets were such an obvious way of ripping people off of 50 cents to a dollar here and there, it was all absolutely outrageous. Then to top it off, you were only allowed to purchase two drinks at any one time. Great. Spend most of the event in a line waiting to buy drinks for you and a few friends, then get told you can only take two back with you. What an unreal afternoon.

The hassles and issues that this party generated sucked the absolute life out of me. And then there was all the fucking fluro attire. Pity, because the line up was actually really very good.