What’s going on in the world of magazines this week on Australian newsstands? Is everyone throwing out double-figure page tributes to Heath Ledger, or are they more interested in Britney and Adnan? Let’s take a look…

FAMOUS MAGAZINE | $4.50 (Inc. GST)

“Michelle’s Heartbreak: What Do I Tell My Daughter?”

Famous Magazine use a quote from ex-fiance Michelle Williams to sell magazines that is not actually a quote at all.

“EXCLUSIVE PICS INSIDE: Amy Winehouse: Caught Smoking Crack?”

These “exclusive” pictures have not only been knocking about the interweb for well over a week now, they’ve also appeared “exclusively” in two other Australian publications. Why are we at all surprised Amy Winehouse has been caught smoking crack? More importantly, why are Famous Magazine placing a question mark after the ‘Caught Smoking Crack’ line?

“KATIE ATTACKED: HER CAREER IS OVER!”

I swear to god, you could have fooled me! I had no idea she still had a career. The minute she stopped playing stroke-victim Joey on Dawson’s Creek was the minute I saw her career fade into oblivion, but I guess that’s just me.  Oh, and the millions of people who forgot to attend any of the cinema sessions for her latest movie “Mad Money.”  She wasn’t too bad in “Thank You For Smoking” though was she?

OVERALL OPINION ON ISSUE:

I’m not at all surprised a magazine which markets itself on being the trashiest piece of shit in your newsagent has taken a tacky route on the death of Heath. The article inside is - surprisingly - not all terrible reading though, with what appears to be actual facts used in its creation. I guess there really is a first time for everything. 4/10

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NEW IDEA | $3.95 (Inc. GST)

“Too Young To Die”

The magazine Russell Crowe once hilariously dubbed as “No Idea” have always gotten tribute issues right on the money, with everything from wording, to the picture used, to the content inside. The Heath Ledger tribute within this normally tragic magazine is one of the best in the bunch this week, and once again, article isn’t awful to stomach. Unfortunately the use of bodybag images tends to kill any credibility New Idea may have bought with an otherwise decent tribute.

“Terri Vows: I’ll Save Britney”

Terri Irwin and her Crimper-fanatical child Bindi want to bring Brit-Brit down under for some reflective time in the bush. “She’d have the excitement of a trip out to the bush to catch crocs” says Terri. Holy fuck. Could you imagine Britney being dangled in front a croc? That thing would probably run for its life the minute she opened her mouth and asked “Where’s the Starbucks y’all?!”

“Tasma & Rove’s Romantic Escape”

Oh who fucking cares. Nobody likes her! Stop pushing it on us please.

“Ange’s Baby Bump”

Because the last thing her neglected own-born child needs now is another one to compete with.

OVERALL OPINION ON ISSUE:

This isn’t terrible. There is a two-page article on Rogue Trader Natalie Bassingthwaighte inside and the pictures are lovely. The Ledger tribute is worthwhile and they’ve gone with reasonably tasteful use of headlines and pictures on the front cover. 7/10

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WOMAN’S DAY | $4.00 (Inc. GST)

“Scientology Showdown: Katie Storms Out”

So in the editorial eyes of Woman’s Day, the death of Heath Ledger is definitely not as important as another fabricated story about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, with one of them apparently walking out on the other again. Robot’s cannot leave unless they are programed to! What are they on about? Why pay tribute to one of your nations greatest actors when you could put Tom and Katie on the cover again!!??

“Inside The Custody Battle That Broke His Heart”

Is this a new one? So good to see Woman’s Day aren’t letting cold hard fact get in the way of publishing a good story. The four page tribute is about as rubbish as the way they’ve handled his death on the front cover. The article to accompany the ‘tribute’ is fucking awful, with a hideous “quote” which claims Heath “started dying on the day Michelle walked out.” Nice eh?

“Terri’s Amazing Makeover”

It’s amazing what make-up, some soap, shampoo and a hair dryer can do when combined with a frock. Such magic obviously deserves its place in the magazine two pages before any mention of Ledger! Thank god though really, I was getting so sick of all that fucking khaki.

“Rove & Tasma’zzzzz……”

Even the headline fell asleep.

OVERALL OPINION ON ISSUE:

What a load of old shit. These magazine’s have made a history of pumping out a tribute issue when someone dies and keeping things as tasteful as they can for at least that one issue. Woman’s Day just really didn’t have the time by the looks of things. I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with this if these tribute covers weren’t given out to every other celebrity that karks it. How did Anna Nicole Smith get a cover the week after her death and not our own Heath Ledger? There is a nice 4 page piece on Natalie Bassingthwaighte (again!) and her L.A. pad in here though. 1/10

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NW MAGAZINE | $4.90 (Inc. GST)

“Britney Picks Up Another Paparazzo”

I love this shit. They make Britney sound like such a fucking weirdo because she’s sucking face with a celeb-snapper, yet the editors of these magazines practically give these same people lubricated rim-jobs and a trade of their souls for the pictures they use week in, week out in their rag. I guess it’s only weird if it’s photographed, right? Probably won’t be too long before there’s Britney-rim-shots floating around either…

“Brad & Ange’s Screaming Match”

Haven’t they got a starving nation to adopt?

“The Truth About HEATH’S TRAGIC DEATH”

Oh wow, so NW Magazine have that toxicology report before anyone else? No, no they don’t, but that title would probably suit such intel best wouldn’t it? Aside from that tacky selling point, the actual tribute inside is beautifully compiled and very well written.

“PLUS: A Love Lost”

I really believe Williams and Ledger were meant to be together, and honestly thought they would eventually reunite and marry. Which is probably what’s made this whole tragedy even harder for me to deal with. They were my favourite Hollywood couple by far.

OVERALL OPINION ON ISSUE:

Good tribute, and NW always offers the week gones trash in the best possible way. There’s an interview with Calvin Harris inside too, which was an absolute surprise, and a two page interview with Natalie Bassingthwaighte! SHE’S EVERYWHERE! 6/10

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WHO | $4.50 (Inc. GST)

OVERALL OPINION ON ISSUE:

Thank you WHO, for providing Australia with its only truly beautiful tribute issue for Heath Ledger. The only magazine to have paid attention to the fact that there probably wasn’t anything else worth placing in side-boxes all over the front cover of an issue commemorating the untimely and devastating passing of a truly gifted talent. 8 pages of stuff inside too, making this the largest in tributes of all on offer this week. The article is excellent too, which makes this the best choice on the newsstand this week. “Our editorial promise: When you know WHO, you know more. We research our stories, we check our facts and we never make it up.” Whilst this doesn’t always seem to be the case with WHO, it’s nice to know they kept to their promise for the Ledger piece. 10/10

So I’ll be stopping my Heath Ledger pieces now. I plan on revisiting each of his movies on here at some point in the future but it probably won’t be for another month or two, so you’re safe. I’m beginning to let go, but I’m still very sad. I’m still very angry about his death and am not sure how long I’ll be so deeply affected by it.  But going through all the magazines this week really helped because amidst the sadness, I got to laugh. Laugh at Britney’s hilariousness, Winegums’ crack smoking, Katie Holmes’ hair; all very, very funny stuff.

Normal programing to resume tomorrow. I’ll finally be talking about music again, and even giving some of it away to you.