MADONNA
Hard Candy
(WARNER) A-

The Queen Of Pop’s final studio album for long-term record label Warner Music has been long debated among the music ‘elite’ for some time now. Her plans to work alongside Pharrell Williams, Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Danja in an attempt to create a more urban collection of songs was met with mixed response from fans and media across the globe. My opinion on how this album was going to fare was a bit of a mixed bag.

At the end of the day, all I had to do was take a look back through the other albums Madonna had brought into my life and realise that, no matter what, she knows what she’s doing. Whether or not her records are true classics that have stood the test of time (The First Album, Like A Prayer, American Life and — in a few more years — Confessions On A Dancefloor,) or ones that earmarked the era of its creation — still great pop records which may have aged a little bit over the years (True Blue, Erotica, Music, I’m Breathless,) there is not a single Madonna album which I have not found enjoyable, nor is there one I could tell you is my least favourite. Thankfully, the quality of “Hard Candy” has meshed itself quite nicely into the Madonna shelving department of my CD collection, bound to receive many-a-play in the years to come, whatever aforementioned category it should fall into come five years time.

A lot of flak has been thrown towards the opening track on “Hard Candy,” a sticky-and-sweet, often raw concoction of thick, rusty beats titled Candy Shop. A track which, virtually, has not been modified at all in comparison to the version of it that leaked earlier last year, it’s certainly not as terrible as it once was. In the context of the record; this actually works. On its own, it’s a hilarious and often grossly lyric-riddled song in which Mo, basically, refers to that infamous Cooch of hers as being a bit of a lolly jar. As the opening track to the record though, it serves the purpose of setting the listener up for the exact up-for-anything approach that incredible and confronting album cover promotes. Sound wise, the tracks chorus is, after a few listens, quite lush. I’m hearing a very sly nod to the Urban-pop sound of the early 90’s in there, right? It’s also the first Pharrell production on the record, and due to it being a previously leaked track, may explain why so many people were worried about his involvement with the record. This is actually becoming one of my favourite tracks on the album… who’da’thunk’it?!

I’ve not really spoken too much on here about the records first single, 4 Minutes, featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, and I’m not going to say a whole lot now either. What I will say is that the song is incredibly fierce, a perfect choice to launch this album single-wise and fast becoming a Madge classic; however, in my eyes this is not the first single from the album, and that is because it is a duet. It’s not all about Madonna, which it very well COULD have been. Justin’s involvement with this song should have been limited a greater deal… and the track still would have been the runaway success she’d hoped it would be. That said, I do think they sound FABBO together… at least on this track anyway.

Lucky for me that what will — in my history book — be the first ‘proper’ Madonna single from this album, is a seriously monstrous pop song of truly satisfyingly epic proportions. Give It 2 Me is to “Hard Candy” what “Hung Up” was to “Confessions On A Dancefloor,” in the sense that it is THE party-banger on here. You can just picture this being the finale for her world tour, can’t you? It’s such an explosive, balls-in-your-face poppers-friendly club thumper that is also a perfect pop song. Those nuts-and-bonkers synths through the chorus that sound very Hard NRG are infectious. That chorus on its own merits though is insane in the mightiest of ways, the “get stupid, get stupid” breakdown is hilarious and complete genius all at the same time, and that climax towards the end; give it to me indeed. I’m sure I’ll be crucified for saying it, but this track is the best thing Pharrell’s had a part in since Britney’s “Slave 4 U.”

The closest “Hard Candy” ever really gets to ballad-mode is over the next two tracks. First up, another Pharrell moment, Heartbeat combines colourfull synths (a sound — rightfully — favoured quite heavily by Williams and his production throughout this record) with a sweet story of love and desire. All of this is accompanied by a thumping bassline and, more importantly, an incredibly delirious breakdown in which Madonna invites the listener to “see my booty get down.” It shouldn’t work, but somehow it just does. Then there’s Miles Away, the big Timba/Timber ballad that is shaping up to be single number 3. The lyrics are really quite sad, and as they intertwine with that trademark Timbaland beatbox, it’s not hard to understand why this is going to be massive once released. Those last 54 seconds are positively magical too, aren’t they?

“Hard Candy” reaches its finest moment in the 6-minute-long She’s Not Me, a new favourite in my never-ending list of all-time-classic Madonna songs. This has got a silky, disco-infected soul about it which relies heavily on the double-hand-claps, whistles and bells, and that bass guitar played by Prince & The Revolution legend Wendy of Wendy & Lisa fame, who was last seen on a Madonna record for “Candy Perfume Girl” on the “Ray Of Light” album as a co-writer. Pharrell (another one of his tracks, and another which he makes surprisingly welcome vocal appearances on) and Madge even call-out to her in the tracks last few minutes, which is just one of the many best bits about this song. Then, just as you think you’ve heard it all, in the last 1:45 seconds, the song fades out and spins itself back into a throbbing, house-cum-disco floor destroyer, before closing it all off with some dramatic violins. Again; best moment on here by a long shot. Jam hot.

During the opening moments, I was quite ready to label Incredible as anything but, however this little jam does pack a few surprise punches which I’m still really digging. The whole thing starts off rather by-numbers-urban-Gwen, before erupting into an angry and delightful middle-8 which sees Madonna screaming a bit before telling us to “get your hands up, it’s time to get your body moving” over the top of some more of Williams’ beloved synths. Back to the wishy-washy chorus and verses, things pick up again in the final 2 minutes when Madonna grabs the synths, klaxons, zoo animals and — as my friend Ben said today — pots, pans, and other assorted kitchen items and throws them about the room whilst shouting “sex with you is, incredible!” Delightfully bonkers, such a pity the the first few minutes of the song are a teensy bit generic.

Whilst the intentions of The Beat Goes On are admirable, that chorus is just a little too repetitive. The verses though; killer. Pharrell’s backing vocals (”Get Up! BEEP BEEP! Gotta get up outta your seat!”) add a seriously delicious flavour (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!) to the funk-factor being pushed on this one, and Mo’s vocals on that middle-8 are inspired; she’s sounding great on this record isn’t she? There are places where it’s even a little 80’s Madonna; not the helium stuff, but that raspy feel ala “Burning Up.” The song comes to a close with The Ego™ himself, Kanye West, waxing lyrical about his favourite topic, himself, before it all reaches an 80’s-esque 12″ version ending. It’s almost wonderful; even West’s nonsense is quite enjoyable, but that chorus almost lets the song down completely. Pity; there was a lot of potential here.

A lot of love is being felt around the Interwebs for the Timber/Timba production Dance 2night. Aside from the records second unnecessary use of text spoken titles, there’s a lot to like about this one. It’s VERY vintage Madonna, with its Nile Rogers-esque keys layered through the chorus; it’s hard not to conjure up images of the 80’s when this one is playing. GREAT instrumental ending too, but definitely not THE moment on here. The tracks enjoyment lies more with the actual production rather than Madonna’s involvement. She actually sounds a bit bored in bits on this one too; which is probably down to the fact that, in places, you can’t even hear her voice. Timbaland; what have you done with Madonna?! And why does she sound like Justin Timberlake?! Answers on the back of a postcard please.

There’s something so ridiculously stupid about Spanish Lesson that actually makes it so-much-fun. Madonna is not only a wrestler on this record, she is also a registered teacher. Translating various Spanish sayings into English for a verse would, normally, not constitute as part of an incredible song. Stranger things have happened though. Pharrell’s production is top notch on this one (once again,) and that whole “If you do your homework (work) baby I will give you more (work,) If you do your homework (work) get up on the dancefloor” is utterly amazing. (Work.) You just know I’m going to be ending every sentence with (work) for aeon’s now.

“Hard Candy” comes to a gripping close with two Timber/Timba productions, with one being slightly better than the other, but both turning out to be exceptional pop songs. You’d be forgiven if you thought Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You was somewhat similar to Justin’s “Cry Me A River” or “What Goes Around (Comes Around)…” or even Rihanna’s “Rehab,” which each have an affiliation to either Justin, Timbaland, or both. We may have heard it all before, but that doesn’t stop ‘Devil’ from being a killer pop song. Then there’s Voices, a european-inspired number with a haunting melody and a nicely layered distortional beat. It’s very middle-eastern, isn’t it? Truly warms the cockles of my heart, though I’m not entirely sold on Justin’s vocal involvement with this one; again, this could have been a solo-Madonna effort. That dramatic final 41 seconds though — totally makes up for it. What a powerful way to bring things to a halt.

So, obviously, I’m really pleased with this record. And I’ve really made sure that my feelings on each track are not rushed, flash-in-the-pan comments made in the excitement of hearing a new Madonna record. I’ve been listening to near anything-but this week, and feel that I’ve assessed the album without any biased towards the fact that I’m a rather passionate fan. Pharrell Williams needs to be applauded for everything he’s brought to the table on this record. Even when things go a little pear shaped (Incredible, Beat Goes On,) he still gives you something to hold your interest. Quite clearly, any worries I had about his involvement were seriously mislead; his work with Lady M is what gives “Hard Candy” the necessary stick to hold the sweet together.

Timbaland and Justin Timberlake’s efforts on here should not be brushed off though. Whilst I do think Pharrell brought more creativity and experimentation to the album, the Timba-er’s have given the Queen of Pop five very crafty pop songs. But, to me, it just sounds like she had more fun working alongside Pharrell.

Whether this record is viewed as a classic in years to come, or as an ageing piece of work which captures the moment of its inception nicely, there’s no denying the woman behind it is as relevant today as she was 10, 20, 25 years ago. At least to those with a strong mind and ear for pop music. My views on this album are obviously going to be argued by a few of you (possibly even a few of the blogerati!) but, at the end of it all, I really feel this is a pretty damn solid record. And as for the womans place in pop culture, I honestly believe she’s to be just as relevant in the years to come, even if you’d prefer she weren’t.

To quote the great lady herself; “This is who I am, you can like it or not, you can love me or leave me, but I’m never gonna stop.”

No no, you know.

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MORE HARD CANDY SCRIBBLINGS:

> Paul’s review at My Fizzy Pop…
>> Ben delves into the Confessions Of Madonna’s Cooch…
>>> Dan’s review at This Man’s World…
>>>> Yuri’s first impressions at Olga Loves YuЯi…
>>>>> Review at The Observer…