SCISSOR SISTERS
NIGHT WORK
(UMA) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I’m not sure if there actually will be an album this year that’s as truly glorious as this, the third (but second at heart) full-length offering from the Scissor Sisters, but good luck to anyone who wants to take a stab at it.

In a year that will see no new releases from Madonna, Lady GaGa or Girls Aloud, the floor for album of the year is open to almost anybody. Or at least, it was. We’re in the midst of a golden pop age and, particularly for me, to not have either of those three actively releasing new material in the year, AND for the year to be as blisteringly amazing as it already has been – Pop Music has a lot of good going for it at the moment.

But nothing more-so delicious and grand than “Night Work”, which manages the near impossible of being positively flawless from beginning to end. Stuart Price, who worked on the new Kylie album, plays producer on every track here and on a bulk of co-writes too. I think Jake and Co gave Price a lot more freedom than most other artists have in the past and it really shows on the final product. This not only takes the Scissters into a whole new level of brilliance but also propels Stuart Price onto an even higher pedestal than I’d placed him on years earlier. Surely another near impossible feat.

Although mind-blowingly great, Kylie’s “Aphrodite” may not be as brilliant as “Confessions” was, but “Night Work”… fuck, it actually is better than Confessions, isn’t it? Even if just a little bit, right? I mean, don’t tell Madonna, but admit it, Confessions had a bit of filler. Night Work’s only association with that particular ‘f’ word involves the kind you inject into your cheeks for beauty and nightclubbing, not a song you could either take-or-leave. There’s none of that here.

The title track “Night Work” opens like a twisted ray of sunshine and smells of walkmans, rollerblades and all things Xanadu, with lyrics I was loving stupid over the last couple of weeks driving to a 9 to 5 temping job I’ve been doing. “Punch that clock and break all the numbers! Weekday nine-to-five shift is over!” Amen. It’s the perfect way to start one of the finest party records of our time.

Interestingly, there are some surprise references to both George Michael and Robbie Williams in the first quarter of the disc. “Whole New Way” borrows licks and thumping funk-beats from Michael’s “I Want Your Sex” (both Parts 1 AND 2), whilst the thundering ballad “Fire With Fire” sees Shears connect with his inner Robbie, at least vocally. XO nailed it in his review when talking about this track, in the sense that it’s one fans will eventually come around to. It’s the Scissters doing their own “Viva La Vida” of sorts; it’s so mighty and majestic and definitely makes even more sense in context of the record.

The instant disco-funk of “Any Which Way” reaches a true pop pinnacle when Ana Matronic launches into the single greatest talky-bit in music for 2010. If you haven’t heard it yet, by the time you’re done you too will be asking the Scissters to take you in front of your parents. Any which way you can!

“Harder You Get” takes things to a glam-rock-adoring sweaty sex club, before we reach the glorious insanity of “Running Out”, which is one of many potential singles here. Ana glows through Running Out, her part really takes the song to new heights and makes me hanker for some kind of solo effort from her down the track. She’s definitely got what it takes and has more than ever made up for her anti-Rachel Stevens movement a few years ago.

Did you spot the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Kylie sample in obvious single “Something Like This”? I definitely think it’s a testament to how much of a brilliant song “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” is; it already deserves to be immortalised and sampled. In doing so, the Scissters have created what is probably the most infectious song in their catalogue. Release this immediately, this must be single number 2!
Matronic shines again on sexy solo “Skin This Cat”, whilst tender disco-ballad “Skin Tight” shimmies and shines like a bright burning star in the sky, reminiscent of the gloriously fucked feeling you have walking home, trashed beyond belief after being out, and maybe being with the one person you want to be with most in the world. It’s incredible stuff.

And then there’s “Sex & Violence.”

This is easily the best song on here. It’s the Scissters scissoring the Pet Shop Boys. It also houses my favourite lyric of the year, “You were walking home that night, too kind to be elusive. Where you live? What you give? Who you with? And how you getting home? Does anybody know right now, exactly where you are? A step inside’s a step too far.” Amazing, one of the most psychologically damaging and yet simultaneously beautiful series of lyrics I’ve heard in years.
The Chic-beats of “Night Life” work as a fitting sequel to the records self-titled opener, before leading into the truly special “Invisible Light,” the biggest shimmer of dance music on here. You want to know the correct use of the now very-overused word “Epic”? Listen to this. If your mind is not blown by Ian McKellen’s surprise verse, it certainly will be by the time the Lion King party drums of the songs grand finale ring through for the greatest closing minutes in a song this year and, hey, fuck it – why not – maybe ever.

My best friend Ben said he feels like a cigarette after every song on this album, that sensation of sexual satisfaction just as the next song ends and another one starts, having that burning desire to just spark up a fucking cigarette coz it’s just. that. good. I think it’s the perfect analogy for an album like “Night Work”, and one that would make Jake and the gang incredibly proud.

It’s also the first album I have not changed the track listing of on my iPod. From start to finish, as it is, in all its sonic perfection. I can’t even remember the last album track listing I hadn’t altered.
I’m fairly confident in the view that this isn’t just a great album. It’s one of the most exciting pop records I’ve heard. Ana gets taken in front of her parents, Jake’s playing fisticuffs and it’s just a whole lot of really passionate fun, isn’t it? 2009 was the year of sadness and sorrow, I’m bored of all that and want to have fun.

And nothing does fun quite as effortlessly as “Night Work.”

Album of the year, hands down.

KYLIE MINOGUE
APHRODITE
(PARLOPHONE) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

WHEN Kylie released her last studio album, 2007’s “X”, it wasn’t exactly the homecoming people were expecting. X had some great singles and a few proper stormers but its lack of creative cohesion left the final tracklisting looking incredibly lazy, leaving Ms Minogue with an album of songs that just didn’t quite sound like something she had even convinced herself to sing, let alone convinced us to listen to. It wasn’t terrible, but it was a bit of a mess.

“Aphrodite” sees Minogue lifting her game and pumping out what will probably end up being one of her Top 2 best records to date. It sounds like a Kylie album from start to finish, one that has fast-grown into one of the most accomplished and exciting long players she’s put out, and the only completely dud-free record in her discography.

Working with Stuart Price (Madonna’s “Confessions On A Dance Floor”) was a move that the Scissor Sisters Jake Shears insisted Kylie embark on. The results are – in most places – breathtaking, but the ones that aren’t are, still, at the very least incredibly enjoyable. For the record, it’s not as good as “Confessions” was, but fuck me – it’s bloody close.

From the euro-blizzard opening of first single “All The Lovers” (whose Spanish version, “Los Amores”, could have probably won Eurovision this year had Minogue entered it), to next single, the jealousy-driven tour-de-force and made-for-radio “Get Outta My Way”, Aphrodite packs dance floor punches with big impact. Particular album highlight “Cupid Boy” probably packs the records biggest club-friendly bassline, with a driving guitar-fuelled riff that sits magically with the pounding beats enveloping it. It’s also, alongside “All The Lovers”, the most incredible moment on here lyrically.

Perhaps a personal best however arrives in the form of the records title track, a big and bold moment where Kylie announces she’s “fierce and feeling mighty, I’m a golden girl, I’m an Aphrodite, Alright!” This should be the third single; it’s exactly the kind of comeback single people were, maybe, hoping “2 Hearts” was going to be.

Songs like “Illusion” and “Better Than Today” (not ballads, but they’re not exactly going to incite the rebirth of Studio 54 either) have copped a bit of flack in various reviews I’ve read over the last couple of weeks but – of course – they’re two of my absolute favourites. “Illusion” – written solely by Kylie and Price – comes with an excellent Middle 8 and could very well be a great choice for a mid-tempo single to break down the thumping themes of the records other moments. It’s definitely the sweetest sounding moment on Aphrodite. “Better Than Today” probably houses the records best Middle 8, though. Amazing talky-bit alert!! “Everything Is Beautiful”, co-written by Keane’s Tim Rice-Oxley, follows suit in the mid-tempo ballad stakes, and wonderfully so. A very precious Kylie moment.

The pace is generally quite upbeat though, and Aprhodite bangs pretty hard throughout. Stuff like “Closer” (which is like Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” having a child to Kylie’s “Confide In Me” at The Monster Ball), “Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)” and “Can’t Beat The Feeling” all play an important part in making Aphrodite a true celebration (ho ho!) from start to finish.

Both “Too Much” and “Looking For An Angel” are lovely enough, but they’re the only two tracks that made me feel as though Kylie’s voice had been lost in production. That’s not to say these aren’t good songs, but Xenomania-written b-sides “Heartstrings” and “Mighty Rivers” would have been better inclusions on the record – two tracks which are fast becoming my favourite Kylie moments from the Aphrodite-era.

This sounds like a classic Kylie album; there are moments on here which will forever be immortalised into the pop-world psyche, and I honestly think her choice to make a fun, glossy and danceable pop record is more than welcome in a time where gloom and doom seems to be a top priority; there’s no hidden agenda here, no hidden political punches, it’s just a fantastic Kylie album that’s going to make you smile, sing and – hopefully – dance. It’s a return to the really refined moments of “Fever”, which now may have to settle for being her second greatest achievement.

I think the problem people are having with Aphrodite is that it might come across as being a little devoid of Kylie’s personality. But where ‘X’ failed in feeling like it was really hers, ‘Aphrodite’ at least sounds like music she actually really wants to be making. I think peoples expectations of Kylie, particularly in this country, are of such a high standard that it’s hard for her to match them at times. Want want want, people want this or that from Kylie, pulling her one way or the other; it’s any wonder she’s hinting at retirement – surely there comes a point when even Kylie Minogue throws her hands up and says “Fuck this and fuck you all, I’m retiring to a cottage, smoking pot and baking cakes for the rest of my life.” I don’t want that, and I can tell that you don’t either.

More importantly, I don’t think Kylie wants that either.

Go and buy Aphrodite for Gods sake.

MATT VAN SCHIE
BALMY NIGHTS
(BANDROOM) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

There is something admittedly really exciting about Matt Van Schie being a proper pop star.

Van She themselves, although definitely housing some brilliant pop hooks, generally seem to fall more into the Rock/Dance bracket – particularly with their fan-base. The band themselves are working on their new album as you read this; but there’s been a big chunky break in between that was perfect for solo ventures and side projects to come up to the proverbial podium. The bands resident synth-god Michael Di Francesco added his production touches to the ace new Cassette Kids album, and Matt, well Matt’s gone and done what I’d always hoped he would – a truly outstanding pop record.

“Balmy Nights” is perfect from beginning to end. Complete with four tracks, the EP serves as an incredible introduction into Matt’s musical mind and where he wants to take this particular project.

Lead single and EP opener “Saturday Night” gets things off to a rollicking start; that bass guitar sounding prominent over the 80’s referencing synths and a chorus of killer proportions. Next single “Journey”, featuring Matt’s Van She band-mate Di Francesco, is a Depeche Mode/Duran Duran loving synth-happy pop ballad with sharp production and a truly dreamy bridge. By the time the ace “Lady” and “Two Love” have started, you’ll have figured out this EP is, essentially, a collection of really fun and supremely executed pop songs. And they generally all seem to be about the romantic side of life.

In its demo form, “Two Love” charted in my Top 10 of the year for 2009, and rightly so. There’s something very Motels-esque about this – in melody and production, it’s actually almost like a dancier version of this absolute classic. These are the kind of songs you hear that instantly just hit the spot. Out of the four tracks on here, “Two Love” is not only the best on “Balmy Nights”, it’s also the most accomplished and fresh-sounding.

“Balmy Nights” is a pop record. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make pop music. It’s the kind of thing that should be encouraged. If Matt had turned around and made an EP full of rock-cum-indie-cum-dance anthems, provided they were good I would still have been on board, but perhaps not as excited as I have been about this batch of tunes.

Van She give us excellent material that falls into that aforementioned sub-genre; so I want something different from a solo project. And Matt’s definitely stepped up. Most people would kill for a debut pop release to sound this swish, slick and to just work as well as it does.

Buy this because I want a full-length album. I have a feeling Matt’s going to blow our minds with whatever he does next.

Purchase “Balmy Nights” from iTunes.

CASSETTE KIDS
NOTHING ON TV
(SONYBMG) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

In 2008 Sydney’s Cassette Kids took home the prize of the Triple J Unearthed competition and followed it with the release of their debut EP, “We Are.” 48 months later, and the Cassette Kids are finally launching their debut Long Player, “Nothing On TV.”

For those dismissing the band as another Ladyhawke or Modular act aren’t, however, looking hard enough. Aside from the fact they aren’t even on Modular, there’s a lot more to the Cassette Kids than a few ball-tearing pop tunes and some dance beats. “Nothing On TV” proves this in around 50 minutes playing-time.

In fact, anyone expecting an all-out pop album (or dance album, even, which it seems Rave Magazine thought it was… which does make you think if they even bothered to listen to the record, or whether they just jotted down what they thought was wrong with Australia’s dance music scene and then fobbed it off as a review – WHO KNOWS) is going to be left surprised. There is definitely an air of incredible pop sensibilities at play here, but there are some exciting and creative rock-monster moments on here (”You Shot Me” comes in like an exciting bat out of hell upon your stereo) that still separate the Kids from the rest of the dance-pop-indie hybrid. Very smart.

Production credits for “Nothing On TV” sit with Van She’s synth-master Michael Di Francesco (who’s almost turning out to be Australia’s answer to Stuart Price); there are 80’s licking guitars and 90’s references here and there; from the almost No Doubt feel to some of the music (”Freaky Sweetie”, “Wherever You Are”), to the thundering techno beats of album (and career) highlight, the title-track “Nothing On TV” which – in its final minute – turns into one of the most exciting and innovative moments in Australian pop for a long time.

“Game Player” is TV’s other crowning moment who, along with the records singles “Spin” (still one of the years best singles) and “Lying Around”, come complete with choruses so infectious you’ll be on anti-biotics not long after hearing them.

The best thing about “Nothing On TV” is that, although it definitely cross-references other artists and genres of music the Cassette Kids themselves have sought inspiration from, it still sounds like a record put out by the Cassette Kids. It still has that grimy energy from their original debut, it’s just a little more polished this time around.

I await with much excitement to see what they’re going to do next.

NOTHING ON TV is released through Sony/BMG Australia tomorrow. Clicky to pre-order a physical copy from JB HiFi, or jump on iTunes tomorrow to purchase a digital copy.

LADY GAGA
The Fame Monster
(UMA) A+

There’s something about Lady Gaga. Something so remarkably captivating and enthralling that, in the last few weeks, it’s been hard to escape her spell. If you’ve seen the truly outstanding video clip for new single ‘Bad Romance’, you’ll be aware of how much further Gaga has raised the proverbial pop bar when it comes to music video clips. For years we’ve tolerated a lazier blend of film clips from our pop stars; that’s not to say they’ve ALL been lazy, but they’ve certainly all had their moments. And that’s the whole point. From the begining, Gaga has been nothing short of incredibly interesting to watch. The persona, (or rather, the Gaga Enigma) that she has drummed up over the last 16 to 18 months has been truly fascinating. A piece of art-work in progress for everyone to see.

Even if you aren’t taken by her perfect-pop-hooks or incredibly styled video clips, you can’t deny that the creation that is Lady Gaga has changed the current pop climate. And the long-awaited pseudo-sophomore follow-up to last years The Fame, titled The Fame Monster, wipes the floor clean with every other album perched in the charts right now.

Birthing only 8 tracks, The Fame Monster makes up in quality for its quantity issue. First single, the Eurovision homaging ‘Bad Romance’ continues to get better with each listen; its primal chorus and searing shouts from Gaga provide a hungry backdrop of desperation – particularly in the rather full-on but equally as moving line “I wan’t your love, I don’t wanna be friends…” To top it off, the middle-8 is insanely good, and the final one minute and seventeen seconds are some of the greatest closing moments in ANY song of the last 10 years. It’s gorgeous, tragic, sad, energetic, animalistic, passionate, and very definitely the song of the year.

Gaga pushes the Lady Schlager boundaries even further with more Eurovision-esque stompers in the form of ‘Dance In The Dark’, an industrial-goth disco track that combines a gigantic chorus with one of Gaga’s most uplifting riffs to date, complete with a Madonna Vogue/Express Yourself homaging talky-bit where she coos “Marilyn, Judy, Sylvia… Tell ‘em how you feel girls… Find your freedom in the music, find your Jesus, find your Kubrick”, whilst ‘Alejandro’ brings the 1990’s to the naughties in seamless fashion; a semi-central motif through the record.

Continuing with the unrivaled passion, ‘Monster’ is one of the greatest 1980’s pop songs that never was actually from the 1980’s. “He ate my heart; that boy is a monster” she sings with such tortured conviction – all through a vocoder. The deceptive ‘So Happy I Could Die’, a stand-out highlight, comes along with its marching band leanings, and takes that mid-tempo ballad feel of the 1990’s and gives it a proper, exciting new lease of life. This is divine electropop at its finest. Then, the only conventionally proper ballad on the album, ‘Speechless’, although sounding a little out of place on the record, serves as a classy piano-led affair (much like her often overlooked yet genius ‘Brown Eyes’ from the first album) that, after the first listen, warms on you instantly. ‘Teeth’, which seems to be leaving some feeling a little cold (I’ve no idea why), manages to do in just over three minutes what Christina Aguilera tried to do – and failed in trying – over a 2 bloody disc CD. That’s how you do it Bitch. To top it all off, “Teeth” sounds like a classy re-rub of Blackstreet’s “No Diggity” in places, particularly through the chorus.

One of the most interesting moment on The Fame Monster is Gaga’s collaboration with Beyonce, ‘Telephone’. If you’re looking for a proper club-banger on Monster, then this is it. Like the hotter, younger sister to Gaga’s debut ‘Just Dance’, this is the next single and rightly so; it’s an immediate stand-out on here. Beyonce’s rap sits comfortably; it sounds like it BELONGS to her whilst still very much being Gaga’s vehicle. And what a bloody chorus…

Without a doubt, as the lovely Will Wongster said in his ace review, this is 2009’s answer to 1984’s ‘Like A Virgin.’ Gaga’s been compared to Madonna since the beginning. And whilst taking a quick glance at her portfolio of work taken from that debut album, it can actually be a bit puzzling as to where such claims came from. But then again; there always HAS been that something about her. Whether it was humping a blow-up whale in the ‘Just Dance’ video, or using Eric from True Blood in the ‘Paparazzi’ clip, it’s always been evident that there is a swag more determination and drive running through Gaga’s veins than any of the pop stars vying for our attention at the moment. It’s that drive and ambition some would say they used to see in a young(er) Madonna…

Lady GaGa really is the second coming; possibly even the next generations answer to a Madonna or a Debbie Harry. Pop’s BIGGEST hope at the moment and the only artist who is bringing something fresh and original to the table. Whilst Madonna goes off and works with tired Urban producers (that said, boy did I love Hard Mandy), Gaga’s managed to do what Madonna USED to do; putting unique pop music at the top of the American charts. “Look at that; a white girl singing pop music on the tele mom!!” All of a sudden, everyone wants to work (and is) with RedOne.

She treats her fans with respect which is a lot more than you can say for Britney or, even so of late, Madonna. She is loyal and cares about her fans, and in return, she has a very, very strong fan base – probably more loyal than any other artist in the charts now. And that’s because she has proper pop smarts; she knows what her ‘Little Monsters’ want from her as an artist and, in return, they offer her undying love and eternal devotion. THAT’S how you work a crowd.

Fuck what she looks like; it’s not about what she looks like any more because she’s proven well enough now that there is more to her than just an odd face. It’s interesting to see a lot of hatred spread about Gaga via the internet regarding her image, her bodyweight; a lot of women in particular seem to be the instigators of said volatile attacks. Just like Madonna through the 80’s and 90’s, Gaga’s biggest critics seem to be women. It’s quite frustrating when a strong woman comes along in the pop world, it’s usually the Women who hate on them. It’s an awful reflection on the way society pins women up against other women in all aspects of life, not just pop music, and the way some Women can, unfortunately, do it to each other.

This is a proper, bonafide pop star who is not going anywhere any time soon. She is also the first person that has made me question Madonna’s current stance in the pop climate. Although technically The Queen of Pop (overall), she’s certainly not the CURRENT Queen of Pop, is she? And Gaga is too fierce in her convictions to be saddled off into a Princess of Pop tag. That’s not the work of a Princess; that’s the work of a Queen; MAYBE in Training, which is where the Princess tag should come in… But it just doesn’t suit her, does it? A Queen in Training who seems to be trailblazing her way through the charts (and hearts) with proper, catchy pop music.

Read my 1.5 year old interview with Gaga >> here …
UPDATE: Read Brad from MuuMuse’s ACE ACE ACE review here…

THE SATURDAYS
Wordshaker
(FASCINATION) B+

The Saturdays’ debut album, Chasing Lights, took a while to grow on me but once it did, I found it quite hard to turn off.  As I said though, it wasn’t always smooth sailing and I actually thought I hated these girls at one point; with that first album, I spent a few weeks unsure of how I felt about it AND the Girls themselves. However, upon initial listen to their sophomore, Wordshaker, it’s easy to pick this is an instant flavour-fix of some of the best pop music money can buy. This is already a huge step-up from the debut album which didn’t feel as instantly catchy as this follow up has.

First single ‘Forever Is Over’ was co-written by James Bourne (formerly of Busted and Son Of Dork), and is an up-front rock-infused pop number that takes the girls out of their public comfort zone; it’s something incredibly different to what we’re used to hearing from them and, say what you will about the actual song, it’s good to see they’re attempting to move forward, in an age when most pop acts are just happy to stay where they are. I know a lot of people aren’t too fussed by this single (nor was I), but it is an absolute grower with one of the best single covers this side of ‘09.

‘Ego’, which is easily the best track on the album (and maybe their best overall?), comes complete with a chorus so glittery it would make Rachel Stevens (or the people behind her ace 2005 album Come & Get It, anyway) proud. It’s by far-and-away the most pop-forward moment on the record, and one that would sit quite comfortably on Australian radio waves. ‘Wordshaker’ follows suit; big chorus with huge electronic glees shimmering over it. The second best moment here.

‘One Shot’ has a demonic urgency seeded through its chorus and proves to be another defining moment on the album, but – sadly – things take a turn for the worst on ‘No One’ and ‘Denial’, both of which are huge steaming piles of shit. ‘2 a.m.’ should go into that pile too, but somehow it actually manages to sound all kinds of great, whilst still actually being Very Terrible. Go figure.

‘Here Standing’ is a gorgeous ballad with an epic build-up and some interesting beat-canons let off sporadically through the song.  On a similar tip, there’s one track on the record which credits all five girls as songwriters called ‘Deeper’ and – shock horror – it’s not rubbish!

It’s certainly not perfect, but it’s a vast improvement on the last record. There’s an obvious step-forward from their first album on here and, thankfully, they seem to really pull it off. The vocals seem to be a little more spread-out between the other members this time too, thankfully.

An excellent second move on the Chessboard of Pop from The Saturdays.

CHERYL COLE
3 Words
(UNIVERSAL) B

So here it is. The first member of Girls Aloud to venture off into the world of the Solo Album. Whilst the five-piece are still that (for now), they’ve taken a year off to focus on solo projects; Nadine’s apparently recording a camp disco-stomper with a song written by Paula Abdul, Sarah Harding’s making movies with Doctor WHO’s David Tennant, Nicola Roberts is being head-hunted by Vivienne Westwood for a new clothing campaign, and Kimberley… well, I’m sure Kimberley’s enjoying her cups of tea on the balcony almost as much as she enjoys watching Chezz on the telle for Sunday nights X-Factor (Hopefully she’s stoned the whole way through because… actually, let’s face it, she probably is, so I might just move on.)

It’s no surprise though that Cheryl Cole would be the first to release a solo album. Although all bets were on Coyle, I’m sure Cole wanted to beat the other four to the punch in order to be remembered as the first to do it, perhaps. X Factor Judge, Tabloid-adored WAG, Girl Aloud, and now; Solo Artist. But can the music on her first long player match her sometimes inflated ego? There seems to be a little bit of proof in this pudding…

3 WORDS (featuring will.i.am)
Cheryl’s previously worked with will.i.am, so it’s no surprise she’s roped him in for her debut. Wise move too; however annoying you might find the Black Eyed Pea, this is proof he’s capable of penning some seriously good pop music. Think BEP’s “I Gotta Feeling”, but if it were actually good. VERY epic breakdowns, this is a heavenly way to open things. Also the next single.

PARACHUTE
Heavy, dramatic marching band happenings with a brilliant middle-8. There’s some hidden brass in there as well, and the final 30 seconds are somewhat magical. The biggest, brightest moment on 3 Words but, quite tellingly, the saddest Cheryl sounds on here.

HEAVEN (featuring will.i.am)
Another will.i.am moment on the record, it’s interesting to note that this is the first song whose verses are structured together more like it was written for a group of, oh, say, five girls? It’s a bit all over the place to be honest and the chorus is fairly aggravating, but underneath there is actually something decent here.

FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE
The first single, and the second best moment on the record. This is a straight-up, urban-pop song that even has a Shannon ‘Let The Music Play’/Debbie Deb ‘When I Hear Music’ 1980’s dancefloor feel to it. Hey X Factor performance of this was off the hook. View.

RAIN ON ME
SOMEONE CALL RONSON! COLE’S FOUND THE HORN SECTION!! But in all seriousness, this is World Class pop right here; there are elements of 1970’s soul and 1990’s urban-pop. The latter actually seems to be a distant motif through 3 Words, actually; there are a LOT of 1990’s elements through the record, just in time for this inevitable nineties comeback we’re due for any day now. “What’s the price of Thunder? Rain on me.” Amazing. It sounds nothing like her though.

MAKE ME CRY
Cheryl turns to disco-funk, and rips into a bit of swearing too along the way! Great track, though some might complain about the repetitiveness of the chorus. It is an initial weakness, but one you do grow to love after a few listens. This felt like album filler for the first few days but is now vying for the title of being my favourite on 3 Words.

HAPPY HOUR
There’s nothing particularly wrong with this – but – song content and pitch of Cole’s voice; is she trying to be Amy Winehouse or something? BUT SINGING ABOUT LOVE AS IF IT WERE THE DRIP. Bit of a bore, this one – not offensive but not really all that good either.

STAND UP
Written for Cole by Taio Cruz, there’s every chance this could be the third single. BONZA chorus that sounds like it could have Cruz on backing vocals. All kinds of brilliant, a highlight, even if it doesn’t sound anything like Cheryl for most of it. I like to sing “Coz I came here to dance, I’m gonna pull up my pants and stand up! Stand up!” during the chorus. Try it; works better.

DON’T TALK ABOUT THIS LOVE
I gave this a bit of a hard time in my print review, but I’ve since changed my mind and actually think it’s quite lovely. Sorry Cheryl; please don’t strike me and call me a Jigaboo.

BOY LIKE YOU (featuring will.i.am)
Sampling Fleetwood Mac’s “Little Lies”, it all just sounds like a bunch of noise by the end of it, and the rent-a-rapper-feel of will.i.am’s delivery just makes this all the harder to sit through. Phoned in much?

HEARTBREAKER (will.i.am featuring Cheryl Cole)
This has aged surprisingly well, hasn’t it?

THE VERDICT…
3 Words seems to have slightly suffered from a time restriction. There are a lot of really interesting ideas on this record, and a few songs which are perfect from start to finish, but there are a handful of songs that could have been absolute stompers, but appear to sound somewhat half-finished. And it’s those songs that, unfortunately, are the ones which feel like they were the most rushed. The singles are identifiable, absolutely, and there are golden album-only moments on it, but overall, 3 Words could have really been a bit better, and maybe released before Christmas, rather than October. It would have been interesting to see where Cole could have taken the album had she been given an extra two months to work on it, particularly with the obvious 1990’s urban-pop and 1980’s electronica inspired moments sprinkled across the disc. Everything is here for this to be a truly momentus record, but it just comes down to it only being a half-finished album in a few of its tracklisting placements.

That said, I still haven’t stopped listening to selected highlights from it all week, so go figure.

Read Talia’s ace review, and Mr Discopop’s equally as brill one (I love the Parachute summary. Amazing.)

EDIT. The album INSTANTLY went from a B- to a solid B with the following amended tracklisting:

01. Parachute
02. Fight For This Love
03. Rain On Me
04. Stand Up
05. 3 Words
06. Make Me Cry
07. Heaven
08. Happy Hour
09. Boy Like You
10. Crazy Fool (GA solo-Cheryl b-side)
11. Heartbreaker (will.i.am ft. Cheryl)
12. Don’t Talk About This Love
13. Didn’t I (FFTL b-side)

See? Much better!