KYLIE MINOGUE
APHRODITE
(PARLOPHONE) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

WHEN Kylie released her last studio album, 2007’s “X”, it wasn’t exactly the homecoming people were expecting. X had some great singles and a few proper stormers but its lack of creative cohesion left the final tracklisting looking incredibly lazy, leaving Ms Minogue with an album of songs that just didn’t quite sound like something she had even convinced herself to sing, let alone convinced us to listen to. It wasn’t terrible, but it was a bit of a mess.

“Aphrodite” sees Minogue lifting her game and pumping out what will probably end up being one of her Top 2 best records to date. It sounds like a Kylie album from start to finish, one that has fast-grown into one of the most accomplished and exciting long players she’s put out, and the only completely dud-free record in her discography.

Working with Stuart Price (Madonna’s “Confessions On A Dance Floor”) was a move that the Scissor Sisters Jake Shears insisted Kylie embark on. The results are – in most places – breathtaking, but the ones that aren’t are, still, at the very least incredibly enjoyable. For the record, it’s not as good as “Confessions” was, but fuck me – it’s bloody close.

From the euro-blizzard opening of first single “All The Lovers” (whose Spanish version, “Los Amores”, could have probably won Eurovision this year had Minogue entered it), to next single, the jealousy-driven tour-de-force and made-for-radio “Get Outta My Way”, Aphrodite packs dance floor punches with big impact. Particular album highlight “Cupid Boy” probably packs the records biggest club-friendly bassline, with a driving guitar-fuelled riff that sits magically with the pounding beats enveloping it. It’s also, alongside “All The Lovers”, the most incredible moment on here lyrically.

Perhaps a personal best however arrives in the form of the records title track, a big and bold moment where Kylie announces she’s “fierce and feeling mighty, I’m a golden girl, I’m an Aphrodite, Alright!” This should be the third single; it’s exactly the kind of comeback single people were, maybe, hoping “2 Hearts” was going to be.

Songs like “Illusion” and “Better Than Today” (not ballads, but they’re not exactly going to incite the rebirth of Studio 54 either) have copped a bit of flack in various reviews I’ve read over the last couple of weeks but – of course – they’re two of my absolute favourites. “Illusion” – written solely by Kylie and Price – comes with an excellent Middle 8 and could very well be a great choice for a mid-tempo single to break down the thumping themes of the records other moments. It’s definitely the sweetest sounding moment on Aphrodite. “Better Than Today” probably houses the records best Middle 8, though. Amazing talky-bit alert!! “Everything Is Beautiful”, co-written by Keane’s Tim Rice-Oxley, follows suit in the mid-tempo ballad stakes, and wonderfully so. A very precious Kylie moment.

The pace is generally quite upbeat though, and Aprhodite bangs pretty hard throughout. Stuff like “Closer” (which is like Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” having a child to Kylie’s “Confide In Me” at The Monster Ball), “Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)” and “Can’t Beat The Feeling” all play an important part in making Aphrodite a true celebration (ho ho!) from start to finish.

Both “Too Much” and “Looking For An Angel” are lovely enough, but they’re the only two tracks that made me feel as though Kylie’s voice had been lost in production. That’s not to say these aren’t good songs, but Xenomania-written b-sides “Heartstrings” and “Mighty Rivers” would have been better inclusions on the record – two tracks which are fast becoming my favourite Kylie moments from the Aphrodite-era.

This sounds like a classic Kylie album; there are moments on here which will forever be immortalised into the pop-world psyche, and I honestly think her choice to make a fun, glossy and danceable pop record is more than welcome in a time where gloom and doom seems to be a top priority; there’s no hidden agenda here, no hidden political punches, it’s just a fantastic Kylie album that’s going to make you smile, sing and – hopefully – dance. It’s a return to the really refined moments of “Fever”, which now may have to settle for being her second greatest achievement.

I think the problem people are having with Aphrodite is that it might come across as being a little devoid of Kylie’s personality. But where ‘X’ failed in feeling like it was really hers, ‘Aphrodite’ at least sounds like music she actually really wants to be making. I think peoples expectations of Kylie, particularly in this country, are of such a high standard that it’s hard for her to match them at times. Want want want, people want this or that from Kylie, pulling her one way or the other; it’s any wonder she’s hinting at retirement – surely there comes a point when even Kylie Minogue throws her hands up and says “Fuck this and fuck you all, I’m retiring to a cottage, smoking pot and baking cakes for the rest of my life.” I don’t want that, and I can tell that you don’t either.

More importantly, I don’t think Kylie wants that either.

Go and buy Aphrodite for Gods sake.

God’s chosen Minogue, Dannii, is releasing her spectacular new album, Club Dildo Disco Dildo next week, and to celebrate, the always creative Mike over at Dannii’s Dirty Box has created a promotional video which will surely be spliced quite nicely in between adverts for the Football and Home & Away on Channel 7 during Australia’s Dannii’s Got Talent screenings. Let’s take a look.

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See, even Jesus gets down to Dannii’s Club Dildo.

I’m quite excited; this Thursday I will be in the presence of Dannii’s greatness for the fourth time in my life (and the very first time which does not involve Chapel Street in Prahran!) — as I attend a taping of Dannii’s Got Talent at the Channel 7 studio with some of my closest Dannii-obsessed friends. We are losing our shit and cannot wait. We’re even considering some ‘Club Dildo’ related banners.

I’ve written reviews for this album for two different publications today, and after all that attention, was then unable to pay proper contemplation to the larger-scaled evaluation of it for the site. So what I’ve done is combined the best bits of both reviews, added in extra pieces and touched up a few things up here and there.

Overall, Kylie Minogue’s long awaited 10th studio album, X, is a sublime effort. There are some seriously classic Kylie pop songs on here; the sort of pop Kylie does best; the kind of pop Kylie should be making in the year 2007. That’s not to say she doesn’t stuff up though. When she gets it wrong, she gets it incredibly wrong. Sensitized, an offcut from her flop Body Language album, is quite possibly the stinkiest song of her entire career. I always thought Cathy Dennis (who gets a co-writing credit on this one) could do no wrong but this song dispels that theory right out of my thought process. The laughable Nu-di-ty is just plain embarrassing and even a bit painful. It’s almost like a really lame attempt to replicate the bizarreness of German Bold Italic. But they forgot to add the one thing GBI had; some soul and, dare I say it, an actual melody. Then there’s the Calvin Harris production Heart Beat Rock, which makes Minogue sound like an absolute try-hard. I’m bemused as to why songs such as When The Cat’s Away and Fall For You missed the final cut for this album, but the lousy aforementioned three did. Luckily, those three are the only turkeys on an album with 10 other songs of magnificent proportions.

New single 2 Hearts kicks things off in fine, glampop fashion. It’s very Goldfrapp-meets-Tori Amos and is 100% worthy of the Number 1 position it currently holds on the ARIA singles chart this week. Things then launch into electropop heaven with Like A Drug, which samples Visage’s moody-synth classic Fade To Grey and sounds a lot like Divine’s Native Love. The second Calvin Harris production is a vast improvement on Heart Beat Rock. So much so that In My Arms is, quite frankly, a future number 1 single waiting to be unleashed upon the world; an enormous track with seriously euphoric synths and a whopping chorus, this is already one of my favourite Kylie moments. Oddly, I tend to think the video clip for Love At First Sight would suit this song more than Love At First Sight did. Maybe she can just pay an homage to herself? She’s already done it once on this album…

Speakerphone puts Kyle’s through a voice vocoder and brings out the big-bassed-guns. A ripping track that sounds scrumptious on a big stereo system. But the truly glorious slices of luscious pop come courtesy of three songs. First of all, The One, which is a song that picks up from where Can’t Get You Out Of My Head left off, then marries it with Olivia Newton-John & ELO’s Xanadu. A marvelous pop song that will be forever remembered as a true Kylie classic. Same story with Wow, which sounds like vintage Kylie brought through to the 21st Century. An elevated chorus and self-referencing (the homage to herself I mentioned earlier) through the lyrics (”you know you’re made in heaven”) really do help in making this another one of her all time best. Then there’s Stars, which is such a beautiful piece, ready-made for radio’s across the globe. Big chorus, sharp production and a killer final 30 seconds; in an ideal world this too would be a massive single.

No More Rain is a cute bass-heavy ballad that Kylie had to apparently fight for in order for it to appear on the album. Crazy really because I just adore it. A totally shimmering chorus melting together with a gypsy-like sound that harks back to her Cowboy Style days; what’s not to love about it? Just stunning. As is the story for closing ballad Cosmic, which sounds like the kind of thing I should only listen to on a crackly old 7″ single. Very, very endearing.

So aside from three duds, this is a very solid album. Thinking about it properly, I honestly feel that this is an exceptional progression from Fever, whilst the sour songs seem like they are a step behind Body Language. Luckily for us, the pungent moments are heavily outweighed by the masterpieces. A truly triumphant comeback.

“X“CELLENT “X” REVIEWS

The Zapping | XO’s Middle Eight

So there’s quite a bit of new music on heavy rotation this week on the old Casa De Adem stereo…

KYLIE MINOGUE – 2 HEARTS
Some people do not like this, but I think it’s swish. Am a fan of the original (by Kish Mauve,) but I do think Kyles’ version is a slight improvement. I’m sold on the video clip too. My friend Emma said it’s very Tori Amos, and she’s right. It’s also quite Goldfrapp‘y (as is the video,) though I did read someone claim it was also like Christina Aguilera… yes, maybe if Kylie were a $2 hooker too busy shoving old 45’s up her cunt to bother making good music, then yes, I can see the resemblance.

DANNII MINOGUE vs JASON NEVINS – TOUCH ME LIKE THAT
As good as the new Kylie may be, I cannot help but feel Dannii has outshone her sister once again with this killer new song. I’ve always pictured Dannii as the type to be driving down the beach in her convertible, air-conditioning turned on high, smoking a cigarette, possibly under the influence of something she purchased from a friend in Ibiza, playing her own songs as she crusies through the sunset. But really, what’s the point in listening to anyone else’s music when you are Dannii Minogue? And that’s why I love her. Dannii’s never tried to be anything she isn’t with her music (people are accusing Kylie of trying to be ultra-cool with 2 Hearts. I see where they’re coming from, but still think it’s a remarkable lead single,) and this track is an exceptional testament to that. Guns-a-blazing, outright homosexual dancepop at its finest, I have not been more impressed with the use of a sample – Sylvester’s (You Make Me Feel) Mighty Real – since Madonna’s Hung Up in 2005. Pure genius.

GIRLS ALOUD – CALL THE SHOTS
What a lovely, unexpected treat. I had no idea this was going to sound like something lifted off the gorgeous self titled Cicada album, but it does. Interestingly, I have this unusual thing with any new, unheard Girls Aloud single. I listen to it once, know that it’s brilliant but am not entirely convinced. Then I listen to it a second time and by the second chorus, I’m texting people telling them it’s the best thing since sliced bread. It’s exactly what happened when I first heard Biology (which I still believe to be the greatest pop song of all time,) and is the same story with this song. Absolute magic.

ROGUE TRADERS – BETTER IN THE DARK (NEW ALBUM)
I’ll post a proper review of this later in the week, but key highlights on this stunning album so far include Throw Your Arms Around Me, What You’re On, Better In The Dark, Candy Coloured Lights and I Never Liked You. I think people are going to be surprised at how un-safe this album actually is…

SUGABABES – CHANGE (ALBUM)
Still caning the life out of this, and am still convinced it’s the album of the year so far. My obsession with Amelle is reaching worrying heights too; I spent 400 words of my upcoming column in Forte talking about her, and am using her name more times in a day than I do the word “awesome.” Yikes…

ROISIN MURPHY – OVERPOWERED (ALBUM)
This is, all round, a pretty solid album. A couple of disappointing moments, but nothing I’d skip whilst listening to. Loving You Know Me Better.

FRANZ FERDINAND ft. GIRLS ALOUD – SOUND & VISION
GOSSIP – CARELESS WHISPER
THE KOOKS – ALL THAT SHE WANTS
CORINNE BAILEY RAE – STEADY AS SHE GOES
Songs lifted from the new Radio 1: Established 1967 compilation CD, these are the four I’m playing the most. I fucking hate Corinne Bailey Rae, but she’s done a bonza job of the Racounters track. Who’da thunk it?

More stuff coming this week. For those emailing me about the My Favourite Pop Record thing, I haven’t forgotten about it, I just haven’t had the time to complete all the editing (there’s A LOT) with uni and some heavy family stuff going on this year. It is partially edited though, and I’m doing bits and pieces here and there when I get the chance. Sorry, but yes, it is coming, I suspect it will be online in full by November.

…to let you all know I’ll be back, guns a-blazing, next week. There is actually no reasonable excuse for my absence this week; I have done a total of no study, have written about 9 words all week (and that was just on an envelope for work…) In fact, I have spent my entire week watching Doctor Who, replaying the ace first episode of Summer Heights High, and reading the first installment of my actual printed pop column over and over again simply because I’m still not sure it’s real. Yep, been pretty fucking lazy this week, but I’ve totally needed the me-time.

Somewhat random; I have been having really strange dreams about zombies for the last three months. I have no idea why but at least 4 times a week, I’m dreaming about bloody zombies. And with all this Doctor Who fresh in my memory, last night I dreamt about time traveling zombies. For Christ’s sake.

Hopefully tomorrow night there wont be too many zombies in sight as I plan on letting my proverbial hair down on the town, where I will no doubt hassle all the local DJs to play me some Dannii Minogue and Sugababes.

So yes, regular programming next week. Speaking of Amelle & co, here is the new Sugababes video clip. Good golly that lady is fierce. LOVE. HER.