Forget about the return of “Justine” Timberlake… or anyone else for that matter. Because the man who not only created one of the greatest albums of all time, and just so happens to also be THE sexiest man on earth* – JC Chasez - is finally returning.

After his ace “Schizophrenic” album from a few years back, (which sadly flopped) it’s nice to see JC back on his feet and trying again. And what an attempt first single “Until Yesterday” is. In this song (which that Justin Timberlake bloke co-wrote) JC is quite upset with his other half. Sadly his other half is not another man, but a woman who is expecting a baby. He is very certain the child is not his (maybe because she is not a man and that is the only sex he sleeps with? Probably not, but it’s always nice to dream, isn’t it?), and eventually discovers that INDEED, IT IS NOT HIS CHILD. Imagine the horror.

Sounds good? There is plenty more… The chorus is rather phenomenal in as many brilliant ways as you could think of it being, the song itself has guitars in it and JC sounds frighteningly sincere through out the entire thing. Overall, this is a VERY good song. Really quite very good. Pity it is more likely going to do nothing for American radio, much less Aussie radio.

What a shame. JC is easily the better of the N*Sync boys in a solo effort. Plus, there’s that whole HE’S THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE* thing as well. Anyway, you can listen to the new single by clicking here.

*Subject to change, much like my Single of the Year choice, which seems to change on a weekly basis.

Hopefully you all had a very pleasant weekend, mine was quite good yes, thanks for asking! I’ll inform you all about what I got up to (it involves Melbourne’s newest superclub, nearly 100 photos taken and the amazing Princess Superstar) sometime later on this week.

Now, for the important matters of the day. How does one turn the greatest single of 2006 into something even better? You can find the answer to that by listening to the new Tony Lamezma remix of Girls Aloud’s “Something Kinda Oooh” (which you could very well find over at the superb blog The Eye-Pod), which is about 600 times mightier than the radio edit – which you should all recall from last weeks postings that I heralded as the single of the year. It is like every single awesome early-to-mid-90’s Motiv8 remix and production have been thrown together in a blender, along with an acapella of “Something Kinda Oooh”, and hey presto, best remix of any pop song in about 8 years (arguably, the last truly great pop remix was Tall Paul’s take on Billie’s “Because We Want To”, although Motiv8’s remix of her ace track “Something Deep Inside” was pretty darn special as well). So it’s probably safe to say that both the radio edit and Tony Lamezma’s take on “Oooh” will be somewhere in my top 10 for the year. The remix is clearly at Number #1 though.

Bertine Zetlitz’s absolutely bonkers new album “My Italian Greyhound” is ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. And Kate Ryan’s new album, “Alive”, is just as splendid, IF NOT MORE SO (thank you Ella for bringing it to my attention love!). The new Scissor Sisters album, however, is about as exciting as a sink full of 4 day old dishwater. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Someone needs to tell Jake Shears that yes, we’re quite aware your voice can be made to sound like a ladies, but do we have to hear it on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG? Jake’s voice is AMAZING when he’s not going all falsetto on our arses (not that I don’t think “Don’t Feel Like Dancing” isn’t genius or anything), just take a look at his collaboration with Tiga, “You Gonna Want Me”… WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT – NORMAL MALE VOCALS. Amazingly, he does it quite well. Sadly, it seems Jake has convinced a few other male artists that sounding like a lady on your singles is truly the way to go, hence Justin Timberlake’s “would-be-a-great-song-if-his-balls-weren’t-being-scrunched-tightly” next single “My Love” and the new number from Jet are absolutely LACED with it. Thanks Jake. Thanks a lot.

The thing that’s really gotten to me about this poor excuse of an album is the use (or lack there of) of Ana Matronic, which the ace Xolondon pointed out last week on his blog. Backing vocals on one song? No wonder she’s been looking so fucking bored during all the live performances, she’s actually been given nothing to do.

Some would say Jake’s been a bit too busy pumelling cocaine into his nose with his new gal-pal Kylie (who, quite alarmingly, looks like a drag queen in several of the pictures in her new calendar, which you can preview at the really really good Pink Is The New Blog), and with the creation of her upcoming album.

Some would say that I probably agree.

Come on Ana, I think it is high time you invested a bit of cash into a solo effort for next year. Your fans deserve it, especially after all this.

Surprisingly, Beyonce’s rather average new single has a rather nauseating video clip.

In quite possibly the most hilarious turn of events against a pop star in years, a good 5620 fans of Beyonce Knowles have decided that the current video clip for her new single “Deja Vu” is just not good enough. So much so, they’ve all signed a petition REQUESTING BEYONCE RE-SHOOT THE VIDEO CLIP TO MEET THEIR REQUIREMENTS.

OH.
MY.
GOD.

Isn’t it about time SOMEONE’S fans fucking did this? How many Saturday Mornings watching Music Television have flown by over my life? You can just imagine then, how many of those mornings I have spent screaming at the TV, wanting to hurl objects of a sharp nature at so many popstars I love to death purely because of their shithouse videos.

And now, thanks to a group of disgruntled Beyonce fans, you too can take a stand. This petition is very much worth signing, because the aforementioned video clip really IS as terrible as the fans claim.

Let’s take a look at it for those of you who’ve not seen it yet.

Hmmm. Would anyone like a pain-killer?

So whilst Beyonce frolics about corn fields (!!!???) and dry roots Jay-Z (for goodness sakes Beyonce, HE IS OFFENSIVE ENOUGH TO LOOK AT WITHOUT HAVING TO STARE AT YOU PRACTICALLY BEGGING – WITH YOUR EYES – FOR HIM TO PUT HIS COCK IN YOU. YOU GROTTY WOMAN.), her fans have decided that this is not right at all.

The petition claims that the video needs a re-shoot because:

A) There is no clear story or theme to the video.
B) The dancing is erratic, confusing and alarming at times.
C) The sexual themes and shots between Ms. Knowles and Mr. Sean Carter PKA Jay-Z, are alarming and show unacceptable interactions between the two.
D) The fashion in this video, while haute-couture, is unbelievable and ridiculous.
E) The editing, while professionally done, causes one to get dizzy and disoriented.
F) The overall feel of the video leaves a sense of much to be desired.
G) The video is very disappointing and is not a clear representation of any of the songs themes.

Genius.

View – and then sign – the full petition here. Big thanks to the brilliant Scott from Scott 2 Be Certain for pointing this absolute gem my way…

Is there a petition to have the entire song pulled off the release schedule?

THE INEVITABLE has finally occurred on the Australian ARIA Albums Chart. The poptastic “High School Musical” Soundtrack has gone #1 this week, demonstrating that, maybe, had Girls Aloud’s “Biology” been used in a Disney movie, it might have done a lot better here than #26. Come to think of it, they didn’t really have much of a chance in hell at all here did they, so probably not actually.

Meanwhile, the single from the soundtrack, “Breaking Free” continues to yo-yo up and down the singles chart, this week dropping three spots to Number #16. Hopefully EMI will come to their senses very soon and rush release the Zac Efron (pictured) crooned “Get’cha Head In The Game” here which, if you can remember my report on this the other week, comes complete with amazing basketball court sound effects. This is because the song is about PLAYING BASKETBALL and SINGING. Which is quite the combination indeed, trust me when I say ‘Just ask Shaq‘.*

AND THEN there were two. After last nights Big Brother Double Kick-Out, which, in quite an exhilarating turn of events, saw the surprise eviction of Gay Farmer David (a crowd favourite to win the prize money). So now it’s down to hotly-tipped-to-win Camilla and, like, Jamie. I’m not at all fussed who wins now – and I’m sure I’ll get yelled at for saying this but, I’m just happy it will not be David. On that note though, how absolutely touching was the whole David-Sharif reunion thing during the eviction show? I absolutely balled, how beautiful was it?!

Which brings me to my theory that, after Friday Night Live, Camilla was already going to win. Out of the final 4, she has accumulated the most amount in fines. Big Brother had announced during Friday Night Live that whatever amount the individual who wins Big Brother has accumulated themselves in fines whilst being in the Big Brother house, that is the amount which will be deducted from the final winnings total. If Camilla were to win, they’d only have to give a rather small amount of money away, instead of to someone like David who hasn’t had as many fines. Definitely food for thought, isn’t it? The Big Brother Season 6 Finale begins tonight at 7pm E.S.T. on Channel 10, and should prove to be quite the interesting nights worth of television.

Nicola Monday is coming. You’ll just have to be patient as I am currently at work.

* Ask your parents.